Ok, so it's no secret that I live inside my head, maybe a little too much. Just ask The Therapist, who would probably laugh out loud at the "little too much" part. No doubt I'm one of his more recalcitrant projects, not that I do it on purpose. (But you don't try not to do it on purpose, either, would be his reply.) Anyway.
My dad always said that feelings are neither right nor wrong--they're feelings. And I do have plenty of them, I'm not without emotion, I just don't parade them around like a personal billboard. At any given moment, for no apparent reason, I feel the tears pressing against the backs of my eyes. I don't cry. Especially in front of other people I don't cry. More than anything I don't want to appear weak; from the beginning I was determined to show strength and grace under pressure and not fall apart for others to see. It's possible (I haven't thought this out) that I think if I let the feelings out into the open, they can't be put back. The Therapist is trying to convince me otherwise; he's probably right, but it feels like standing on the edge of a cliff.
I've been rereading the older posts from our travels. I had forgotten that I didn't put any photographs into those posts, so I'm working on that now, bit by bit.
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